Thursday, 27 February 2014

mi wan taso li tawa, nasin sama pi kon walo sewi...

mi ante e toki musi pi jan William Wordsworth kepeken pi toki pona.

mi sona ala e nimi "pi" e nimi "lon" e nimi "tawa" ... e nimi ali!

mi wile e ni: sina pona e toki musi.


mi sama kon walo sewi.
mi wan taso li tawa waso lon sewi ma.
a tenpo ni la, mi lukin e mute mute.
ni li kulupu pi kasi kule jelo!
poka pi telo mute, anpa pi kasi palisa,
kasi ni li tawa musi lon kon.

tenpo ali la, mun lili li pana suno
lon kulupu walo pi mun lili.
tenpo sama la, kasi lon poka pi telo mute,
ni li nasin linja pi pini ala.
mi lukin lili e kasi mute mute.
lawa kasi li musi tawa nasa!

telo mute li musi tawa lon poka kasi.
taso telo li musi tawa lili,
kasi tawa musi pi pona en suli!
jan pi toki musi li poka kulupu pona la,
jan li pona kin!
mi lukin - li lukin - taso mi pilin lili
e ni: lon li pana e mani mute tawa mi.

tenpo mute la, mi lon supa monsi suli la,
mi pilin ala anu ike la,
mi pilin e kasi ni.
ni la, pilin mi li pona mute.
pilin mi li tawa musi poka kasi kule jelo!


  1. open la kama pona tawa ma pi sitelen pi toki pona.
    Since this is poetry, you get a lot of slack cut, but
    Isn't the original "lonely as a cloud"? so 'sama kon walo sewi' (no 'pi' needed here) should modify 'mi wan taso', where it would need a 'pi': 'mi wan taso pi sama kon...' Or maybe it is really modifying "wander", in which case the the 'sama ...' is properly placed. I still don't know quite what 'nasin' does here nor how it does it.
    'wan taso la' doesn't seem to be an adverbial phrase to anything but rather adjectival, so probably not properly a 'la' phrase but attaching to 'mi' (as above).
    The next bit says "I go to the terrestrial high bird" or "I go birdily to the terrestrial high" or "I go high birdily to the ground" 'tawa waso' for "wander" makes a sort of sense (although birds don't actually wander from their own point of view, but they do from ours). Do you mean 'lon sewi ma' "above the earth"? Again, no 'pi' with 'sama'.
    That's as far as I can even pretend to remember this poem; I'll look it up for more comments. Nice start!

    1. a pona mute!

      From my reading, "I wandered lonely as a cloud", the lonely is modifying the wandering, but the whole thing is similar to a cloud (or, as per the ambiguity in English, that the narrator is actually a cloud).

      "That floats on high over hill and dale": 'Tawa waso' = float. So yes, yes, 'lon sewi ma' is just what I need!

      I tried a few different ways revolving around "nasin sama" for "in the same way as", but it's all as awkward as heck. >_<


    2. 'sama' phrase in adverb position (modifying the verb) will do for manner, don't need 'nasin' generally. I think.

    3. mi ante e ona kepeken sona sin mi!

      Still not sure I'm using "poka" right.

      As you'd expect from translating poetry though, I don't think it sounds quite as good. That can be a job for the future though ^_^